Anger & Hatred

Attachment to volatility & disruption

Red Tara = Kurukulla

According to worldly norms of human behavior, when we help someone and place great trust in them and they mistreat us in return, it is seen as reasonable to be angry with them because we have been hurt. 

However, practitioners of bodhicitta must not give in to this type of conventional thinking. 

Instead, we should learn to view such people in a special way, as objects for our practice of forbearance and loving kindness. 

We must in fact recognize these people as our spiritual teachers.

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama,  Lighting the Way. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.), Snow Lion Pub.

The English word 'Anger': 

• from Old Norse angra "to grieve, vex;" 

• from Old Norse angr "distress, grief," 

• from Proto Germanic *angus (cf. O.E. enge "narrow, painful," M.Du. enghe, Goth. aggwus "narrow"),  

• from Proto-Indo-European base *angh- "stretch round, tight, painfully constricted, painful" (cf. Skt. amhu- "narrow," amhah "anguish;" Armenian anjuk "narrow;" Lith. ankstas "narrow;" Gk. ankhein "to squeeze," ankhone "a strangling;" L. angere "to throttle, torment;" O.Ir. cum-ang "straitness, want").  

• In M.E., also of physical pain. 

~~ www.etymonline.com   

The English word 'Hate': 

• Old English. hatian "to hate" 

• from Proto Germanic *khatojanan (cf. O.S. haton, O.N. hata, Ger. hassen, Goth. hatan "to hate"), 

• from Proto-Indo-European base *kedes- "feel strongly" (cf. Avestan sadra- "grief, sorrow, calamity," Gk. kedos "care, trouble, sorrow," Welsh cas "pain, anger"). 

• The noun is Old English hete "hatred, spite," from Proto Germanic *khatis-, (altered in M.E. to conform with the verb.)

  ---

~~ www.etymonline.com   

"...there are various factors that contribute to attaining that level of joy and happiness which we conventionally also recognize as sources of happiness, such as good physical health, ...the wealth that we accumulate, ...and a circle of friends we trust and with whom we can relate emotionally.

Now all of these are, in reality, sources of happiness, but in order for one to be able to fully utilize them with the goal of enjoying a happy and fulfilled life, one's state of mind is crucial. 

If one harbors hateful thoughts within, or strong or intense anger somewhere deep down, then it ruins one's health, so it destroys one of the factors. 

Even if one has wonderful possessions, when one is in an intense moment of anger or hatred, one feels like throwing them-breaking them or throwing them away. 

So there is no guarantee that wealth alone can give one the joy or fulfillment that one seeks. 

So there is no guarantee that wealth alone can give one the joy or fulfillment that one seeks. 

Similarly, when one is in an intense state of anger or hatred, even a very close friend appears somehow "frosty," cold and distant, or quite annoying.

What this indicates is that our state of mind is crucial in determining whether or not we gain joy and happiness. 

So leaving aside the perspective of Dharma practice, even in worldly terms, in terms of our enjoying a happy day-to-day existence, the greater the level of calmness of our mind, the greater our peace of mind, and the greater our ability to enjoy a happy and joyful life."

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama, Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.).  www.snowlionpub.com

"Question: 

What should you say to a loved one who is talking about a third person with hatred or anger? 

On the one hand, you want to show compassion for the feelings being experienced by the loved one. On the other hand, you don't want to reinforce or lend approval to that hatred. What might one say?

Dalai Lama: 

Here I would like to tell a story. 

Once there was a Kadampa master called Gampowa who had many responsibilities. One day he complained to the Kadampa master Dromtonpa that he had hardly any time for his meditation or for his Dharma practice. 

So Dromtonpa responded by agreeing with him, "Yes, that's right. I don't have any time either." 

Then once an immediate affinity was established, Dromtonpa skillfully said, "But, you know what I am doing is for the service of the Dharma. Therefore, I feel satisfied." 

Similarly, if you find one of your beloved ones speaking against someone out of anger or hatred, maybe your initial reaction should be one of agreement and sympathy. 

Then once you have gained the person's confidence, you can say, "But...." "

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama, Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.).  www.snowlionpub.com

"When your mind is trained in self-discipline, even if you are surrounded by hostile forces, your peace of mind will hardly be disturbed. On the other hand, if your mind is undisciplined, your mental peace and calm can easily be disrupted by your own negative thoughts and emotions. The real enemy is within, not outside. 

Usually we define our enemy as a person, an external agent, whom we believe is causing harm to us or to someone we hold dear. But such an enemy is dependent on many conditions and is impermanent. One moment, the person may act as an enemy; at yet another moment, he or she may become your best friend. This is a truth that we often experience in our own lives. 

But negative thoughts and emotions, the inner enemy, will always remain the enemy. They are your enemy today, they have been your enemy in the past, and they will remain your enemy in the future as long as they reside within your mind.

This inner enemy is extremely dangerous. The destructive potential of an external enemy is limited when compared to that of its inner counterpart.... 

In a time when every country is a potential target for the nuclear weapons of others, human beings still continue to develop defense systems of greater and greater sophistication. I do not know if it will ever be possible to create a defense system capable of guaranteeing worldwide protection against all external forces of destruction. 

However, one thing is certain: as long as those destructive internal enemies of anger and hatred are left to themselves unchallenged, the threat of physical annihilation will always loom over us. In fact, the destructive power of an external enemy ultimately derives from the power of these internal forces. The inner enemy is the trigger that unleashes the destructive power of the external enemy.

However, one thing is certain: as long as those destructive internal enemies of anger and hatred are left to themselves unchallenged, the threat of physical annihilation will always loom over us. 

In fact, the destructive power of an external enemy ultimately derives from the power of these internal forces. The inner enemy is the trigger that unleashes the destructive power of the external enemy.

Shantideva tells us that as long as these inner enemies remain secure within, there is great danger. 

Shantideva goes on to say that even if everyone in the world were to stand up against you as your enemies and harm you, as long as your own mind was disciplined and calm, they would not be able to disturb your peace. 

Yet a single instance of delusion arising in your mind has the power to disturb that peace and inner stability.

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama. (2003). The Compassionate Life.  Wisdom Pub.

"We can see that there are many ways in which we actively contribute to our own experience of mental unrest and suffering. Although, in general, mental and emotional afflictions themselves can come naturally, often it is our own reinforcement of those negative emotions that makes them so much worse. 

For instance when we have anger or hatred towards a person, there is less likelihood of its developing to a very intense degree if we leave it unattended. However, if we think about the projected injustices done to us, the ways in which we have been unfairly treated, and we keep on thinking about them over and over, then that feeds the hatred. It makes the hatred very powerful and intense. 

Of course, the same can apply to when we have an attachment towards a particular person; we can feed that by thinking about how beautiful he or she is, and as we keep thinking about the projected qualities that we see in the person, the attachment becomes more and more intense. 

But this shows how through constant familiarity and thinking, we ourselves can make our emotions more intense and powerful.

We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, overreacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. We tend to take small things too seriously and blow them up out of proportion, while at the same time we often remain indifferent to the really important things, those things which have profound effects on our lives and long-term consequences and implications.

So I think that to a large extent, whether you suffer depends on how you respond to a given situation.

~~ H. H. Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler, M.D., The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living, www.snowlionpub.com

"One of the reasons there is a need to adopt a strong countermeasure against someone who harms you is that, if you let it pass, there is a danger of that person becoming habituated to extremely negative actions, which in the long run will cause that person's own downfall and is very destructive for the individual himself or herself. 

Therefore a strong countermeasure, taken out of compassion or a sense of concern for the other, is necessary. When you are motivated by that realization, then there is a sense of concern as part of your motive for taking that strong measure.

...One of the reasons why there is some ground to feel compassionate toward a perpetrator of crime or an aggressor is that the aggressor, because he or she is perpetrating a crime, is at the causal stage, accumulating the causes and conditions that later lead to undesirable consequences. So, from that point of view, there is enough ground to feel compassionate toward the aggressor.

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama, Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective. Geshe Thupten Jinpa (Trans.).  www.snowlionpub.com

"...reflect upon the negative consequences of our strong attachment to friends and hostility toward enemies. Our feelings for a friend or a loved one sometimes blind us to certain of his or her aspects. We project a quality of absolute desirability, absolute infallibility, upon that person. Then, when we see something contrary to our projections, we are stunned. 

We swing from the extreme of love and desire to disappointment, repulsion, and sometimes even anger. Even that sense of inner contentment and satisfaction in a relationship with someone we love can lead to disappointment, frustration, and hatred. 

Though strong emotions, like those of romantic love or righteous hatred, may feel profoundly compelling, their pleasure is fleeting. From a Buddhist point of view, it is far better not to be in the grip of such emotions in the first place.

What are the repercussions of becoming overpowered by intense dislike? The Tibetan word for hatred, shedang, suggests hostility from the depth of one's heart. There is a certain irrationality in responding to injustice or harm with hostility. Our hatred has no physical effect on our enemies; it does not harm them. 

Rather, it is we who suffer the ill consequences of such overwhelming bitterness. It eats us from within. With anger we slowly begin to lose our appetite. We cannot sleep at night and often end up just rolling back and forth, back and forth, all night long. 

It affects us profoundly, while our enemies continue along, blissfully unaware of the state we have been reduced to.

Free of hatred or anger, we can respond to actions committed against us far more effectively. If we approach things with a cool head, we see the problem more clearly and judge the best way to address it. 

For example, if a child is doing something that could be dangerous to himself or others, such as playing with matches, we can discipline him. When we behave in such a forthright manner, there is a far greater chance that our actions will hit the mark. The child will respond not to our anger but to our sense of urgency and concern.

This is how we come to see that our true enemy is actually within us. It is our selfishness, our attachment, and our anger that harm us. Our perceived enemy's ability to inflict harm on us is really quite limited. If someone challenges us and we can muster the inner discipline to resist retaliating, it is possible that no matter what the person has done, those actions do not disturb us."

~~  H.H. Dalai Lama, An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life. Nicholas Vreeland (Ed.), afterword by Khyongla Rato and Richard Gere. www.snowlionpub.com