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Shri Shri Ganapati

Marriage and Remarriage

Example marriage charts, for long and short partnerships

compatibility


"Un amor, una aventura, compañía para un viaje.

Van_Eyck_Arnolfini_Portrait_1434.jpg

Van Eyck = Arnolfini Portrait, circa 1434

~~ Benjamin Franklin

“The good or ill hap of a good or ill life,

is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife.”

King Lear Act V Scene III "Come, let's away to prison:

We two alone will sing like birds i' the cage:

When thou dost ask me blessing, I'll kneel down,

And ask of thee forgiveness: so we'll live,

And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh

At gilded butterflies."

Qur'an 30:21 One of His signs is that He created for you spouses like your selves so that you may live with them in affection and mercy - there are signs in this for people who reflect
Book of Proverbs 31:10 (ESV"

"An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels."

~~ Eckhart Tolle “Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now.

As you may continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again.

But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world.”

~~ Dr. Joyce Brothers

Love starts when manipulation stops.

~~ H. H. Dalai Lama

Compassion is the desire for another to have freedom from suffering.

  • Love is the desire for another to have happiness.

Light Source P'taah

"It would be a wondrous thing for each of you to examine the belief structures that you hold.

Look at your life and see where it is that you are holding on to beliefs that reinforce the pain.

Pain is completely unnecessary. Pain is judgment.


Within your structure of beliefs, you think you understand judgment, but we will tell you this.

Everything outside of you is a mirror to show you who you think you are."

Vocabulary for Marriage =

junction, adjust, justifiable, conjugal, justice, adjudicate, conjunct, juncture, disjunction, injunction, adjunct, judicious, yoke, yoga, well-adjusted

"Love" =

  • Old English = lufu = love, affection, friendliness

  • from Proto-Germanic =*lubo

    • (cf. Old. Frisian liaf, Ger. lieb, Goth. liufs = dear, beloved;

    • not found elsewhere as a noun, except O.H.G. luba, Ger. Liebe),

    from ProtoIndoEuropean = *leubh- = to care, desire, love

    • [cf. L. lubet, later libet = pleases; Skt. lubhyati" desires; Old Church Slavonic l'ubu = dear, beloved; Lith. liaupse =song of praise]

TOPICS OF MARRIAGE

Yoked Work =




Primary Karakas and Timing Agents


Compatibility =


Timing =


Profiles =


Considerations =

Barna_da_Siena-Mystical_Marriage_St_Catherine_c1340.jpg

What is Love?

In practical daily life, love

= validation by the partner.

Love is an extremely simple and ultimately powerful energy which must be "discovered in the modern world because the veils of materialism have obscured it.

  • Some of this Love experience would appear to be very deeply karmic. It hurts!

  • However the result of developing one's capacity to Love will be extremely positive and beneficial in every single lifetime.

  • That knowledge gained through struggle to understand Love is the pearl of great price. Precious!

    one mzy fight - and win- a lifelong battle to Recognize the greater reality of Love.

    Every other graha competes for one 's attention. Some Graha are functioning in the current lifetime to work against one 's chance to experience validation = Love

    1. Shani's focus on material survival of the group

    2. Chandra's emotional need for protection

    3. Shukra's attraction to sensual pleasures

    4. Kuja's physicality and competitiveness

    5. Budha's mentalism

    6. Rahu's constant craving for the objects of desire.

    7. Ketu's apathetic detachment

    8. even Guru's expansive inclusiveness and wisdom.

These planetary agenda work against the goals of Surya, who is the Center of Divine Love in Earth's system. (There are other centers in bigger systems of which Earth is a part, e.g. our Galactic Sun, but in human perception, Surya is the main center.)

Shukra = Women, peer relationships, consulting, advising, equity, equality, equability, negotiations, contracts, matching, pairing, parity, partnership, participation

Surya = Greatest Love

  • Surya (Kuja/Guru) represents the Greater Love. The greater love is not emotionally need-based and cannot be betrayed by loss, disdain or "cheating. The greater love is absolutely personal, and does not involve other humans.

  • Quest for the greater love is fueled by a love of knowledge, a hunger for Truth, a deep and ceaseless Spiritual Desire. The Greatest Love is considered by philosophers (lovers of knowledge) to be the ultimate prize for humans.

Chandra = Lesser but Essential Love

  • Chandra (Shukra/Shani) represents the Lesser Love. The lesser love is a sincere and genuine expression of human emotional need, cannot be disregarded or oppressed without emotional backlash. Humans need touch. Humans need security, protection, connection to a people and a place. Humans need mothering, sheltering, validation.

  • These are basic needs of the material and astral bodies. If these needs are not met in childhood, then one will remain "unconscious, chained to the Moon, and living in lifelong hunger for continuous sheltering, ego-reflective mother-approval.

Humans are Sun-Moon creatures.

Each human must learn to consciously negotiate the Surya-Chandra dichotomy of "love perceptions. It is essential to not confuse the two worlds, but rather to appreciate how Chandra reflects Surya, protecting humans from spiritual overload until our electrical circuitry is capable of handling the Greater Love intensity.

Love Intelligence

Budha the Coupler

It is essential to learn to use the correct love tools in each appropriate Love World.

  • In inter-human relationships with other sentient beings, the compassionate one attends to the realities of the lesser love. Provide approval, safety, and validation to loved ones. Respond with Human Care.

  • In partnership with the Divine, the compassionate one opens the heart as wide as possible to receive the inflow of brilliant creative spiritual energy. Respond with Divine Praise.

“When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman up into your old age?

Everything else in marriage is transitory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation.

~~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Falling in Love versus Marriage


"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. "~~ A Course In Miracles

Falling in love(a function of putra bhava) is a Suraj-type ego-driven Idealization projection.

  • One sees the Other as a mirror reflection Only of one's favorable (divine) traits. In the Idealized state, mirror-reflection of non-flattering or negative (non-divine) aspects of oneself are temporarily excluded due to Surya's instinct to see divine presence in the beloved.

  • Persons who have married after "falling in love will generally confirm that they "hoped that their Idealized, divinized, heart-love state to continue forever.

  • Experienced persons will confirm that, after marriage vows are spoken, the power of the D-9 comes fully into play. After marriage vows, one does start to receive the Guru-driven D-9"full view of oneself from the spouse.

Can one move from the expectations developed under Surya in the idealized "falling in love stage, toward an authentic Shukra-guided contractual marriage?

  • There is a perceptualand expectations gapwhich must be bridged in order to move forward properly.

That gap between the self-admiring, adolescent (5) projection of Suraj's divine intelligence vs. the balanced equality of Shukra's long-term partnering commitment is one of the reasons why " love marriage is considered socially treacherous (and why parents, who have a track record of success in contractual partnership, are often charged with responsibility to arrange their child's marriage.)

Rainer Maria Rilke

"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus show each other the greatest possible trust.

A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development.

But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.

That is why this too must be the criterion for rejection or choice: whether you are willing to stand guard over someone else's solitude, and whether you are able to set this same person at the gate of your own depths, which he learns of only through what steps forth, in holiday clothing, out of the great darkness.

To take love seriously and to undergo it and learn it like a profession - that is what young people need to do.

Like so many other things, people have also misunderstood the position love has in life; they have made it into play and pleasure because they thought that play and pleasure are more blissful than work; but there is nothing happier than work, and love, precisely because it is the supreme happiness, can be nothing other than work.

So those who love must try to act as if they had a great work to accomplish: they must be much alone and go into themselves and gather and concentrate themselves; they must work; they must become something.

For the more we are, the richer everything we experience is. And those who want to have a deep love in their lives must collect and save for it, and gather honey."

Realistic expectations and goals for Modern Marriage

All human nativities have patterns similar to yours. That is, there are no godlike, ideal marriages in human, real life.

  • The re is a generous amount of public denial of course; lots of people putting up a nice smooth social façade of "everything is fine" in their marriages!

  • But looking honestly into modern marriage, whether first, second, or third, there will always be and indeed there *should* be plenty of negative mirroring and friction.

The goal is *not* to manifest a marriage which has no growth potential and no dynamic energy for change - that is, a marriage free of individuality and conflict.

A lock-down psychic stasis like that might have been an ideal in medieval society when the average life span was about 40 years and physical survival depended on people taking absolutely fixed social roles. But in these days of dwapara yuga, the main goal of marriage is to provide a sanctuary of mutual understanding and emotional support for two spiritually independent individuals.

These two independent people choose to trust each other. Partners in trust can provide to each other a degree of social dignity and comfort, even while each partner continues to "work on their stuff. The "stuff is mainly unresolved trauma from childhood. (For those with clairvoyant vision, it can be known as trauma from past lives.)

It is essential for the karmic process that one should maintain faith in the possibility of a balanced partnership. It is smart and emotionally healthy to persist in the practice of entering into human partnerships, being hurt, practicing forgiveness, being healed, and being hurt again.

  • Entering the intimate psychic and physical space of another person is often a painful karmic process, but it is also a spiritual privilege. to know the heart of another is to know the heart of the divine. Relationships are, indeed, the ultimate spiritual practice! And like all high-value spiritual practice, intimate partnership can feel both exhilarating and blissful, but also bitterly painful and difficult - at times.

Seva to eradicate negative expectations

A strategy to Address negative graha in bhava-7 or seventh from Chandra

Periods of the lord of 7 or 7th from Chandra = an excellent time for you to offer Seva to charities that serve widows or any persons who have been cheated or disappointed in the breakdown of promises or vows, for example women who have been impoverished by divorce.

Even if your own finances are limited, please consider Seva as a good way to improve your situation. Donating personal service time is more powerful than donating money.

If you choose to offer Seva to those who have been harmed by widowhood or false promises, pay attention to their culture of negative expectations. It can be a very, very valuable learning experience to observe the way that people can perpetuate their negative experiences by holding to negative expectations especially fear.

You may notice a matching behavior in self which can easily be corrected via self-awareness. Expectations especially emotional expectations largely determine our material experience.

BirdLove2.jpg

To Whom - and to What - are we attracted?

Any spouse would have been known by one for many, many past lives.

When it is time to activate the joint past-life karma, attraction happens (usually via Venus or Rahu) and if Rahu is somehow associated with Venus or the marriage houses, there is a marriage.

Whether conventional or unusual in configuration, marriages manifest past-life self-knowledge and this is very much to a purpose.


Attraction is all about Matching Energy. We humans are attracted to Others who possess qualities we lack - but need and want - in order to psychically complete ourselves.

  • These qualities may be "desirable" or negative or destructive. Typically, the attraction is quite unconscious. One finds oneself suddenly "in love with an apparently wonderful person, with whom one feels deeply validated, balanced, and complete.

  • There is tangible soul recognitionand mutual spiritual confirmation.

  • The confirmation is not always a completely "positive experience. However, even if there is negativity and tension in the love relationship, it is a comfortable, familiar sort of trouble that seems well-remembered, necessary, and just right.

  • Whether positive or negative or an interesting mix, this combination of qualities to which we are so convincingly attracted is indeed the right match. Each human is on a missionto acquire the self-knowledge necessary to feel complete within ourselves. We attract, and are attracted to, the partners with whom we have a past-life agreement to work together on this grand mission.

Direct knowledge of our own subconscious is, for most people, totally blocked.

The only way most of us can find out what's really going on in that vast heap of past-life accrual called "Self is by watching our own thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors played out in the mirror of our relationship to Others.

The most powerful of all Other-Mirrors is the marriage partner. Marriage is, for most people, the most demanding spiritual practice in life.

BirdLove.jpg

~~BPHS Ch. 77, shloka 11

The affectionate relationship between an employer and employee (master and servant) and man and women (husband and wife)

will be invariable and stable if they possess the same attributes.

~~BPHSCh. 80, shloka 17-21

If the 7th bhava be without a planet (without strength) and without benefic aspect,

the female born will have a coward and contemptible wretch for her husband.

~~BPHS Ch. 80, shloka 17-21

"When the 7th bhava is a moveable [ chara] rashi,

the husband will always be away from home."

~~ Bhrigu Sutram Ch. 28 Shloka 8

"The woman will have a mean contemptible coward for her husband if, during birth, there be

  • no planets in the 7th house from the Ascendant

  • or from the Moon-occupied sign,

  • the 7th house itself being not aspected by any benefic planet."

Marriage is "Commitment Yoga"

Yuvati = yoga = yoke

Marriage - especially the first marriage - is represented in the radix chart by yuvati bhava, the 7th house.

Marriage is the central yoga, the central balance point, the central control, and the central discipline, of the entire life.

  • Even the ordained celibate religious are "married" to their ishta-devata, the god of their heart.

  • Everyone has a primary Other- whether that "Other" is a fleshly spouse, a deceased spouse, a passionate ideal, or a spiritual spouse taken in holy vows of ordination.

  • Everyone is "yoked" on some level to a mirroring, judging, responding, participating partner.

Like any yoke- or yoga - marriage creates both stability and bondage. Whether the public union of marriage is experienced as A blessing or a curse depends on the condition of yuvati bhava, and its relationship to each of the other 11 houses of the radix chart.


The marriage yoke binds self- lagna to "other-7th

(See bhava yoga page for more on yokes.)

  • two partners enter the Yoke like two oxen. After the yoke is on, they have to work together, pulling in the same direction.

  • If they don't, it hurts- and nothing gets accomplished.

  • If they do, a nice plowed field will manifest - and everybody, including the oxen, will flourish.

Marriage as a Public Contract

Despite the Euro-American romanticizing of marriage as a strictly personal, emotional decision, the Jyotisha view is that marriage is a very strategic choice which must be carefully considered in light of its future impact on one 's public standing.

Being 10th-from-10th, marriage is a critically important social status indicator.

Social status is indicated in order of importance by =

  1. bhava-10 public authority and leadership role

  2. bhava-7 (10th-from-10th) marriage status

  3. bhava-4 (10th-from-10th-from-10th) property ownership

  4. bhava-1 (10th-from-10th-from-10th-from-10th) physical appearance

Marriage conditions are of high significance in social ranking and personal dignity. A strong marriage to a helpful, enthusiastic, appreciative partner can hugely assist career developments. The spouse and (by extension of the signification of bhava-7) other peer partners in business and community life, can potentially double one's effect in the world, which increases the public recognition and approval defined in bhava-10.

A weak marriage house bodes poorly for one 's self-respect, and makes high levels of public approval fairly inaccessible. And while a good 10th house might "trump a bad 7th house, it's unlikely that one with a severely damaged 7th house will be able to fully ascend the ladder of social recognition no matter how excellent the characteristics of karmaa bhava.

Unfinished marital business from past lives

Details of the private side of marriage are seen in navamsha, where the partners' subconscious expectations (residue of unfinished marital business in past lives) are exposed.

  • Without conscious intervention, subconscious marriage programming will play out naturally, as if one were acting out a movie script.

  • Whether marriage is A blessing or a cursedepends a good deal on this navamsha script, and whether one possesses critical consciousness necessary to "edit the script in real time - i.e., while we are in the process of living it!

Editing requires conscious use of "forgiveness which is very demanding emotionally, and should only be attempted by those who have reached sufficient levels of spiritual development.

Marriage not a Commodity, Possession, Goal or Achievement(although it is promoted as one!)

Sometimes I am asked to predict the timing of marriage.

  • this is a fairly easy thing to do in Jyotisha, but I am uncomfortable doing it for clients who feel a great urgency to "get" married = acquire mate = gather property = as a way of satisfying their parents' social-material demands, or as a method of protecting themselves against social insecurity.

Unfortunately, marriage is understood by most people as a property contract, and people rush into it on an acquisitive material basis.

  • The partner is assessed upon spiritually irrelevant criteria which have very little to do with how this person will operate in an intimate mirroring relationship.

  • E.g., physical looks, sex drive, fertility, professional credentials, shared social activities and intellectual interests, earning power, social rank, blah-blah.

However, what actually matters in the bubble of intimate relationships is emotional compatibility and equivalent expectations.

The worst test of the viability of the marriage bond occurs when emotional reactions conflict and when expectations are disappointed.

Therefore it is essential for these two elements of personality and culture to be effectively matched.

Unclear Intentions

In the context of the anxiously acquisitive, parent-pleasing, social-worth process which surrounds this core spiritual event, "Getting" married questions tend to disturb effective divination. The anxiety underlying the inquiry - esp the interjected psychically manipulative energy of parents -- often deprives one of their sense-of-self earth grounding. When one lacks authentic grounding at the time of the query, the spirit-guides who (ultimately) provide the answers to divinatory questions can get confused about who is really asking the question.

  • Is it the client's own question? Is it the question of an insecure parent? Is it the question of an institution or social-authority entity like a family corporation, a caste authority (panchjyat), a church, or a government? There are too many voices involved in this question and this interference can prevent the guides from delivering a clear answer.

Reflection upon the Purpose

I am very much of the opinion that the period before marriage should be a deeply contemplative and reflective period, no different from the assessment and re-conviction period required before taking the vows of any religious order. In other words it ought to be a rather long time (at least a year) of reflecting upon personal readiness to undertake the single most spiritually demanding exercise of human life, and this reflection should have NOTHING to do with the perceived social-material assets or liabilities of the Other.

By contrast, divorce should be easy and neutralized.

Preparations for Partnership = handling arguments (6), emergencies (8), and loss (12)

In particular the two partners must have high levels of pre-existing agreement about the proper response to periods of life crisis (6, 8, 12) when the bond of trust is likeliest to break. The partners must go into the union with pre-existing cultural or intellectual commitments ALREADY ESTABLISHED. A plan must be in place for how to handle the portfolio of the three dushthamsha = illness or addiction (6), illicit behaviors and crime (6), arguments (6), sudden wealth (8) or sudden poverty (6), children's education (8), separations due to hospitalization, imprisonment or long sojourn in foreign lands (12) death of children (6), extramarital affairs (6, 8, 12) betrayal of trust (6), secret financial dealings (8) and perhaps the most difficult of all, how to handle in-laws (8).

Core Values (Shukra) and Expectations (Chandra) must match

Maturity

First of all it should be mentioned that for a sane, mature adult there is a big, obvious difference between "expectations" and "ideals". Expectations reflect human cultural norms. Ideals are standards of godlike perfection.

This fact of human life should become patently obvious to all thinking adults sometime near the age of 31. From a Jyotisha perspective, by this point in life, one has endured three Rahu-Ketu cycles and the Saturn return is finished. One has endured at least a single occurrence Shani Ashtamsha, or two occurrences if Nishturabhashi Yoga applies (Shani + Chandra).

According to modern neuroscience, the human brain reaches cellular development maturity at approximately age 30-31. (This is one of the strongest arguments for the unpopular but medically sound proposal to raise the USA legal drinking age to 30.)

Marriage before age 31

It stands to reason, therefore, that marriages accomplished before the age of 31 should be closely supervised by elders who have a much more clearly articulated perception regarding the difference between expectations and ideals. Young marriage partners have not yet fully individualized. They do not, characteristically, have much objective information about the cultural values that they have been raised to internalized. It is not easy for a young person to truly accept that there might be several acceptable and viable ways of responding emotionally to a given social situation. Rather, a young person tends to asume that one was raised in the "right" way by one's own worshipful parents/culture, and that anyone whose behaviors veers from the standards and HABITS with which one was raised in an (unexamined, unanalyzed) family-culture setting must be "wrong" or "crazy". This natural, adolescent ir own culture. tend to be very idealistic.

Longevity of marriage - individuals (1) remaining legally bound into the property (4) contract (7) - is perceived as the highest value of marriage. Naturally longevity of financial investments is one of the best ways to develop capital wealth, and society (10) favors long contracts for purposes of system (11) stability (4). But again longevity is most patently NOT the highest spiritual (9) value of marriage. Rather, depth and intensity of the shared (7) spiritual work between partners is what counts from the viewpoint of the death-bed.

~~ Prince Philip Mountbatten, 1997 golden wedding tribute to his wife

"I think the main lesson we have learned is that tolerance is the one essential ingredient of any happy marriage.

You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance."

Marriage Anxiety

Before attempting a marriage divination, I like to make sure the client recognizes what they are asking for. Yes, they are asking for the timing of an event - and that is what Jyotisha does best! - but do they realize the significance of this event? How this event will change their life forever, in an often very difficult and angry way?

So, I usually counsel anyone anxious about marriage to note that despite intensive marketing of wedding products and our lifelong socialization to "getmarried as a major status achievement, marriage is in fact nota fixed commodity. Marriage is, more than anything, a state of mind.

This seems to be an important level of awareness for many marriage-timing clients, particularly those with insecure, demanding parents.

First of all, we are benefited to remember that guilt causes reactive confusion And resulting poor decisions. Embarking upon a marriage for the central purpose of to assuaging filial guilt will perpetuate the guilt in the marriage environment.

Parents who push their children into marriage to alleviate their own social insecurity are compounding the marriage anxiety and making the astrologer's job hard to accomplish!

The client who "needs to be married within the next yearin order to satisfy some social requirement (esp. parents) is likely to be entering a very low consciousness marriage, and to not be using their own healing agenda as a guide to choosing their marriage partner.

Yes I can see the timing of this event, but I can also foresee the bitter consequences. The client him/herself who demands marriage within a favorable time-and-money framework rather than allowing the spiritual healing agenda to dictate when they feel ready to take on a partner, is in "victim mode.Such a person feels that marriage is an uncontrollable experience which happens "toone.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Secondly, anxiety about loneliness, inferior social status of single women, etc. are is also symptomatic of an unconscious marriage. Unless bare physical survival is at stake, I like to counsel clients to be aware that marriage will cause many more problems than it solves.

The se are good problems to have, of course - the problems of intimate healing, the problems of sharing the devastation of the cycle of birth and death with another being, the problems of vital and vigorous negotiation of identity, of meaning, of balance. Good problems to have.

Having a wedding will not solve your problems. Having a wedding does create the possible conditions for healing, but at least in the short run being married simply compounds the scope and number of problems because there are two people's karma to manage now.

I like to preface any anxious consultation about the timing of marriage with a rather sober lecture on taking responsibility for how this marriage unfolds, rather than hyperventilating with unbearable uncertainty about the calendar day of the ceremony.

If it wasn't for the vow, which makes this union a truly sacred commitment, the day of the ceremony would have no value at all. The real work is not in "getting married but in "being married - for sure!

Rather, marriage is a Living Yoga

As the old joke goes, everyone wants to "get married", but no one wants to "be married".

But of course it is the "being" married which is the true reality. There is really nothing to "get", except the social approval. All the work and all the reward is loaded into the "being" part.

  • Marriage is actually a living spiritual environment like a garden which must be lovingly tended, through drought and frost, in good years and bad. It has weather cycles like the earth. A long dry spell might kill it.

  • Much like a child, it is constantly in process, constantly negotiating for change, and requires constant awareness and attention.

  • Clearly marriage is not a "thing or an "achievement but rather an interactive process. Marriage is an Ongoing yoga = a vital and supremely demanding negotiation for self-definition, core meaning, emotional security, and higher truth.

  • Marriage is a sophisticated spiritual practice which needs dedication and wise guidance.

  • The core of marriage practice is ongoing forgiveness which allows us to register disappointment, anger, grief etc.

  • Forgiveness allows one to accept responsibility for the karma, and - at the point of acknowledgement - to release the addiction to suffering, by releasing the attachment to the cause.

Marriage Dharma

In particular, the Marriage house's location in 9th-from-11th and 11th-from-9th shows how marriage expresses the power of Dharma in one 's life.

Marriage partner brings Dharma (in the sense of Wisdom) to one in two essential ways =

  • as 9th-from-11th the marriage partner emerges from the web of native's friendly associations, as its finest fruit . Marriage partner is the Best and Wisest Connection in one 's entire network of associations (11), and as such the marriage partner attracts much prosperity

  • as 11th-from-9th the marriage partner is the basis of "sangha or community of the wise. I.e, the marriage partner is one's Most Essential Connection to the wisdom that gives permanent meaning to life.

~~Dan Millman

"Inward spiritual practices such as meditation, breathing techniques and self-analysis generate insights and enhance abilities.

But none are so useful as learning to live harmoniously in a committed relationship, being a skillful parent, or juggling the demands of daily life. "

Navamsha

Varga or "divisional charts show the resultsof any undertaking of life.

the varga for marriage is Navamsha or 9th division, which shows the " fruits of Dharma.

Presuming an accurate birth-time, navamsha (D-9) will be consulted side-by-side with radix (D-1) chart, to evaluate not only the material but also the inner psychological dynamics of marriage.

Accurate predictions require concurrence between material (d-1) and psycho-emotional (d-9) configurations. Normally there is reasonable concurrence in the two perspectives. However, when the navamsha and radix spousal indications are contradictory, there is usually to be found a public/private split in which things look on the outside (d-1) much different than they feel on the inside (d-9) in the marriage.

By and large there is also a matching pattern between =

  • your navamsha and the partner's radix

  • The partner's navamsha and your radix

  • your navamsha and the partner's navamsha

  • Moon linkage plays a major role

The se D-1-to-D-9 links show the issues on which you two partners are spiritually working together. Traits which are dormant or subordinate in partner-1 will be alive or dominant in partner-2. Thus each partner mirrors the other's arising consciousness, and facilitates spiritual growth by evoking astral imagery into real world action.

The navamsha reveals traits, desires, hopes, dreams, fears, etc. which are dormant but trying to rise into consciousness in your life. You find the partner who is already acting these out in the material world. You are intensely attracted to this person; they are everything you admire, everything you crave, everything you want to be. This person completes you; expresses you; forms your other half.

Naturally, you marry them!

Examine each house in Navamsha from the appropriate partner lagna to know the level of your soul that is just now moving from subconscious to conscious. We usually need partners to bring out this new personality growth in us. (Even if that partner is the ishtadevata.)

  • navamsha 7th house represents first marriage spouse; navamsha lagna is you

  • navamsha 2nd house represents second marriage spouse; navamsha 8th house is you

  • navamsha 9th house represents third marriage spouse; navamsha 3rd house is you

Yoked Work = Managing marital cycles of Attraction-Repulsion, and Desire-Contempt

Every action has a reaction. Every attraction contains its own repulsion. Ask any good Buddhist = if you are intensely attracted to something now, rest assured you will be intensely repulsed by that same thing in the future!

A significant part of the work of marriage is learning to manage the cycles of desire and contempt one feels toward one's partner over long periods of time.

All marriages are timed by Rahu-Ketu, which means that all marriages involve attraction-repulsion.

  • In a love marriage, you personally are attracted and (later) repulsed - typically by the psycho-emotional qualities of the partner.

  • In an arranged marriageyour guardians are attracted-repulsed - typically by the social-material qualities of the partner.

But in either case Desire (which eventually boomerangs to Contempt) plays a major karmic role in Marriage. The karmic forces behind marriage are so strong that it seems not to matter much whether one "chooses one's mate through falling in love -- or allows that mate to be chosen by one's social guardians. When it is time for the karmic partner to find you, they will find you!

It is often observed in modern India, where arranged marriages remain fairly common, that the success rate of Arranged marriages Approximately equals the success rate of love marriages. About 50% of marriages are satisfying; about 50% are problematic --- regardless of whether these unions are self-arranged or tribally/parentally-arranged.

The big-picture view is that, no matter what social mechanism selects the mate, we will all create (through impetus of samskara) a spouse/series of spouses who perfectly match our karmic job description = )

The big-picture view is that, no matter what social mechanism selects the mate, we will all create (through impetus of samskara) a spouse/series of spouses who perfectly match our karmic job description = )

Yoked Work = Maintaining the Intention to Reach Agreement

Successful Marriage requires discipline, self-knowledge, and moral effort.

Marriage can only survive when there is Agreement on how to conduct the division of karmic labor

The higher and more spiritual sophisticated is the agreement level (spiritual, mental, social, financial, physical) the easier is the partnership.

  • Physical work = not only doing the labor, but agreeing on how to do it, requires constant attention.

  • Spiritual work = For those who feel ready to accept the austerity, marriage can be a high-speed vehicle toward consciousness.

There is never perfect agreement (as long as humans have egos, anyway) and so there is never an effortless marriage.

Alternative Sexual Orientation Unions

Certainly the lines between gay vs. straight marriages are increasing blurred as modern societies move out of survival urgency, and sex-role divisions of labor fade into history...

Yet, in these early years of the second millennium, it is generally the case that

  • a majority of women experience greater emotional difficultly connecting with their father,

  • and conversely majority of men experience greater emotional difficultly connecting with their mother.

In order to continue their most significant spiritual work and break through their most challenging inner barriers, most women desire marriage to men, and most men to women. This gender-conventional attraction pattern is the most direct method of revealing and healing their childhood trauma with the opposite-gender parent.

Which parent = "needs work"?

But what if the greater difficulty, blocked emotional access, negligence, lack of expected guidance and nurturing, even physical abuse, is linked with the same-gender parent? Then, it is more likely that the subconscious will direct one into a same-gender relationship.

  • Men involved with men, and women involved with women, follow the same psycho-spiritual logicof attracting a spouse who mirrors that comfortable-but-oh-so-frustrating energy of the more difficult parent(including difficulty caused by absence).

  • In these intimate relationships, the most difficult parent will hail from the same gender. These natives need to cross their inner fear barriers - barriers constructed in the subconscious which greatly limit freedom and happiness in the conscious life - by getting their healing information from the mirror of a same-gender spouse.

  • Natives who follow a pattern of both straight and gay unions within one lifetime, are similarly recoveringessential but currently missing self-knowledgethat was originally sought from both parents, alternately.

  • Natives raised by same-gender parental couples, composed of two men or two women in life partnership, will probably have the same results as children historically raised by mother-grandmother /father-grandfather or two-sister/two brother pairs; that is, one will seek a spouse who mirrors whichever parent-partner was more complex or difficult.

Gender of the spouse will tend toward the gender of the difficult parent as in conventional unions, but at this point in the logic we need to be able to distinguish between sex and gender.

Sex is a biological feature of human bodies. Gender is a shifting, volatile social construction that categorizes roles and behaviors into groups. For example, 'masculine' in some times-societies means "wears pointy shoes, wigs, skirts, and lace" (17th cen European aristocrats) and in other societies-times means "wears nothing except a bird feather" (traditional hunters in hot climates).

Sex is biology. Gender is an idea.

How to Know Who You're Going to Marry

The psycho-spiritual purpose of marriage is to work out the problems one had, in childhood, with the more-difficult parent.

  • If you are looking for a marriage partner, it is fairly straightforward to define who that person is and when you might be ready to receive them into your life.

  • Just be honest about your struggle to achieve complete emotional access to and validation from your more difficult parent.

  • If you can define that struggle, you can define your next spouse!

Sugar and Vinegar

  • Marriage is yoked sugar and vinegar. The sugar comes first, but the sugar is designed to seduce one with shared hopes and dreams, and extract from one a life commitment. The sugar is soon joined by the vinegar. The vinegar is spiritually essential! The higher purpose of marriage - which is healing - is only possible to achieve if the vinegar is present!

  • There must be pain, confrontation, disappointment, and grief in marriage... if there weren't, there would be no motive for one to examine their subconsciously driven reactions. Only by examining our reactions can the hidden holdings of the subconscious be exposed.

  • The struggle to heal deeper pain and experience higher freedom will go to phase-2 in your first marriage, phase-3 in your second marriage, and so forth. The struggle for one lifetime might start and finish within a single marriage (check palm lines to confirm). However the full healing endeavor can easily entail 2, 3 or more marriages in the modern era. The healing process can also go from gay to straight unions, and vice versa.

If one knows one's own healing agenda well enough, it is quite possible to spot that next spouse at 500 yards.

Jyotisha and Gender Symbolism

In alternative or non-conventional unions, the symbolism of Sun as masculine and Moon as "feminine will signify father and mother, husband and wife, reason and intuition, etc.

One of the strongest and most satisfying energetic pairings is male-Sun with female-Moon. This Sun-Moon configuration is both interpersonally and socially validating, and it contributes a major endurance factor into any partnership.

However, it is critically important to be intellectually vigilant in Jyotisha analysis of alternate sexual orientation unions.

Gender is a psycho-social construct!

  • "Masculine" is a gender term which can be understood independently of fleshly anatomical-reproductive sex.

  • "Masculine energy is present in both male and female bodies.

The Sun-male/Moon-female balance works just as well emotionally and is just as socially sanctioned, when it occurs between a male guru and a male student, in a naturally dominant-subordinate or manifest-dormant type of wisdom relationship, such as guru-sisya.

The partner whom one attracts for the purpose of balancing a weakness of "Surya energy will have - relative to oneself - significant "masculine qualities such as stronger public presentation, more rational decisiveness, better developed (even overdeveloped) Ego.

The partner who is attracted in order to help balance a weakness of "Chandra will have significant "feminine qualities such as stronger listening skills, more patience, better developed intuition, and emotional sensitivity than one .

  • Since women are, in general, given less social permission to run rational, decisive energy

  • and men are, in general, given less social permission to run intuitive, perceptive energy,

  • the general patterns for women seeking public recognition through men

  • and men seeking family stability through women,

  • are well known.

However, despite the general patterns, there is no fixed requirement that this helper should have any particular anatomical attributes.

  • Masculine energy does have a natural affinity for the male body, and male bodies are usually happiest running about 90% male/10% female energy. However male bodies can tolerate different fuel mixes over the short term, up to about 30% female energy, especially when caring for their young.

  • Female bodies run 70-80% female/30-20% male energy optimally. However female bodies are fully capable of running as much as 50% male energy in leadership settings, which puts them in the perfect Sun-Moon balance during times of crisis. (I.e., women are much better suited to balanced leadership roles.)

Healing, conscious intimate partnerships are legitimate and available in virtually every configuration of Sun, Moon, male, and female.

Timing = When?

Meeting the partner =

Sanjay Rath Opines that one will Meet their first spouse during a period of Shukra.

This is often true. Shukra bhukti script often brings a highly attractive person into the field of one's perception.

Virtually any bhukti of the Shukra Mahadasha can also bring the future spouse into one's range of view.

However, I have noticed that a future spouse is also met in periods of navamsha L-1 or L-7, or Rahu.

  • The first psychic attraction occurs during a Vimshottari period of Shukra [or navamsha L-1 or navamsha L-7] whether one is male or female.

  • However, for a traditionally religious woman who expects to receive her education, values, worldview, and abundance passively through her husband, and who is expecting a transcendent love relationship (frequently non-sexual) with the husband in a protective, fatherly role, attraction/introduction may possibly occur during a bhukti of Guru.

  • It is also possible although much less common to meet the future spouse in periods of Rahu-Ketu or Shani, particularly if Rahu-Ketu are giving the effects of navamsha L-1+L-7, or Shukra. A partner first encountered in Shani bhukti will have a very somber presentation, characterized not by romance but by harsh necessity. But, sometimes, life is this way.

  • The definition of "meeting = very flexible = ) - generally "meeting" = a real-world social introduction, but in some cultures the spouse can be known only to your parents, or can be known to you only in dreams.

Three Jyotisha Rules of Marriage Timing

Three conditions must be met for the timing of marriage =

Any of the following marriage-making Vimshottari bhukti must occur.

  • bhukti of the lord of the 1st or 7th navamsha

  • bhukti of Shukra or Rahu (Rahu frequently indicates marriage to a person from another culture or religion)

  • in circumstances of scarcity, servitude, Orsocial pressure, a bhukti of Shani (Shani-timed marriage is associated with urgency of time-and-materials constraints = a pregnancy, or remarriage to protect existing children, or political requirements)

  • very rare = Ketu period can induce a spiritual, unconsummated marriage

Gochara Rahu-Ketu must be traveling through any of the following seven lagna =

  • navamsha lagna or navamsha axis of natal nodes

  • radix lagna or radix axis of natal nodes

  • radix axis of natal Chandra

  • navamsha axis of natal Chandra

  • radix axis of natal Shukra

The graha which triggers marriage must have a radix-activated navamsha lord. I.e., the navamsha lord of the marriage-maker must ALSO be marriage-empowered in radix.

  • For example, a Rahu bhukti during a qualifying Rahu-Ketu transit might look like the perfect recipe for an impulsive marriage.

  • However, Rahu's desires will not drive a passionate attraction all the way into a wedding ceremony if navamsha Rahu occupies a rashi of conservative Shani. (unless, perhaps, Shani is also L-1 or L-7 navamsha...)

  • However, if navamsha Rahu occupies a rashi of "natural marriage-maker Shukra

In addition, one should have marriageable age and status, according to the customs of their own culture.

Q = How can I determine the timing of my marriage? One of the most promising marriage periods has passed, the object of my romantic interest does not share my enthusiasm, and I remain yet unmarried!

A = Namaste, Generally speaking, marriage occurs in Vimshottari subperiods of one of the following graha

  1. Shukra

  2. Rahu

  3. lord of navamsha-1

  4. lord of navamsha-7

To trigger the marriage event, there should be a corresponding transit of Rahu-Ketu to one of the key points in either radix or navamsha, such as

  • radix lagna

  • navamsha lagna

  • radix axis of Rahu-Ketu

  • navamsha axis of Rahu-Ketu

  • radix Moon

  • navamsha Moon

  • in a male nativity, possibly the transit of Rahu-Ketu in contact to Shukra

You should be able to determine the timing windows using your own Jyotisha knowledge of your Vimshottari Dasha.

Delay by Shani

  • Shani is the karaka of resistance, retardation, and the law of karma. Shani's actions may delay marriage. Even though a correct timing agent may be the ruling bhukti pati and there may be a correct transit of gochara Rahu-Ketu occurring, if these triggers are held back by a difficult transit such as Shani oppressing the bhukti pati, or Shani transit through yuvati bhava, then the predicted event may be denied.

  • Wait for a time when Shani is not oppressing the key points for marriage.

Enforced marriage by Shani

  • Shani can enforce an unwanted and oppressive marriage by creating conditions of obligation, scarcity and responsibility which one feels can only be addressed by marriage.

  • Occasionally Shani becomes the bhukti-pati for marriage even when He is not the normal marriage timelord.

  • In these circumstances it may be found that a widower is desperate to care for one's children, or a child-bride is sold for a dowry to feed her family history. A bride is taken to be used as a servant, to be imprisoned, or intentionally harmed. Typically there are severe Shani-related indicators in Chandra, 7th radix, 7th navamsha etc.

Rahu trumps all

Another possibility is that during extremely strong periods of Rahu, no supporting conditions are required. Rahu's passionate desire to possess the forbidden can create a rush into marriage, often in cross-cultural circumstances, which "breaks all the rules including the Jyotisha timing rules.

Example of Shani delay

In your own nativity, Shani is lord of both navamsha-7 and radix-7. As you know, Shani signifies elder partners or those from characteristic Shani circumstances (scarcity, delay, rigidity). Furthermore Ketu occupies bhava-7 and Ketu is lord of Chandra's Nakshatra . Ketu becomes a strong significator of marriage. In fact, in this nativity, Ketu subperiods could also produce marriage (if supporting factors were in place).

The recent Shani transit through Simha was so powerful, oppressing both the marriage lord (Shani) and Ketu, that marriage did not occur despite the presence of the two key conditions (Shani bhukti and Rahu-Ketu crossing the navamsha lagna). Consider also the general signification of L-7 in the lagna, suggesting that one will be of older age than average at the time of marriage.

Considerations

In your own nativity, study carefully the implications of Shukra in Vrischika, Shukra in 8th-from-Chandra, and Ketu in bhava-7 in a rashi of Shani. Consider also the role of the dara-karaka. capital wealth is there. Shani may be creating marriage delays for purpose of moral strengthening through maturity.

This is a generic Vimshottari period timeline which gives classic "marriage and family Jyotisha timing via the Karaka graha. This pattern works regardless of the house ownerships.

  • Shukra-and-or-Rahu

  • Guru

  • Shani

E.g.,

  1. Shukra/Shukra(gives the romance and love of material comfort)

  2. Shukra/Rahu (gives the passionate attraction)

  3. gochara Rahu-Ketu contacting one of the key lagnas (gives the identity-change behaviors)

The n, following immediately after Rahu bhukti comes

  • Shukra/Guru period (gives the children)

  • Shukra/Shani period (gives the heavy responsibility for structured parenting roles, social expectations, and requirement to provide material support.)

The re are of course many interesting varieties of marriages, and many ways to experience the marriage-and-family trajectory; nevertheless it is good to recognize the most common karaka pattern.

Marriage timing schedule implicit in the Bhukti =
  • Even if Shani is neither L-1 nor L-7 navamsha,

  • Bhukti of Shani can be marriage-makers when one is under intense mental or physical pressure of survival. The typical case of Shani-driven marriage is a widow/er who 'must' remarry in order to care for their children. The pressure may be clearly material (starvation, servitude) or more social (marginalization, humiliation). The marriage will tend to be duty-oriented.

  • Bhukti of Shukra often provide the enchantment of falling in love with a physically or financially attractive person. The marriage promises material comfort, luxury and sweet companionship, according the character of Shukra in nativity. The marriage will tend to be focused on physical beauty, sensual indulgence and material ease, with a relatively low tolerance for illness, austerity or hard work.

  • Bhukti of Rahu create "hot-house marriages marked by psychological possessiveness, deep trauma, taboo-breaking, intense psycho-sexual attraction, and the passionate rush to a quick wedding. Typically the partner is a 'foreign' person from a different culture, religion, or social class than one . The marriage will tend to focus on crossing cultural and psychological boundaries in pursuit of deep desires.

  • Bhukti of the lords of the first or seventh navamsha create a deep psychological compensation or mirroring attraction. Each partner is mesmerized by the other, who expresses their own dormant traits in a more active, public way. The marriage will tend to focus on public/private and inner/outer division of social and psychological labor.

About second marriage =
  • IMO, if you are more than 30 years old, don't panic regarding the doomsday statistics for second marriage. Prognosis is good for second marriage in general, presuming one has matured emotionally during Shani return age 28-31 and Rahu return age 27-29.

  • Although overall divorce statistics are highly unfavorable for second marriages (with some 65%+ of second marriage ending in divorce) those figures are badly skewed by the very high percentage of second marriages contracted when the spouses are under age 25,which end in divorce.

  • The frightening 2nd-marrriage statistics are largely due to couples whose first marriage occurs at 17-20 and second marriage at 21-24.

  • Partners older than age 45at time of second marriage have extremely low divorce rates (as do first marriages made after age 35 generally.)

  • Partners who are both university educated also have much lower divorce statistics.

  • Emotional maturity(L-4, Chandra) and education(L-4, Budha) are very positive factors in marriage longevity!

Timing = Second Marriage

  • Traditionally, bhukti of lord-of-2nd-from-Shukra will introduce the second spouse.

Second marriage ceremony

  • bhukti of Activated marriage-maker graha

  • gochara Rahu-Ketu cross one of the marriage lagna

(For a detailed analysis of navamsha activation in a sample nativity, please see iming from Navamsha and Gochara Nodes.)

Timing = Third Marriage =

Traditionally, bhukti of lord-of-9th-from-Shukra will introduce the third spouse.

  • bhukti of Activated marriage-maker graha

  • gochara Rahu-Ketu cross one of the marriage lagna

Timing = Fourth Marriage

Traditionally, bhukti of lord-of-4th-from-Shukra will introduce the fourth spouse.

  • bhukti of Activated marriage-maker graha

  • gochara Rahu-Ketu cross one of the marriage lagna

BPHS, Ch 6, Shloka 13

Proper time for marriage ceremony =

Celebrating marriage is auspicious when the Sun is in the signs of

  • Gemini

  • Aquarius,

  • Capricorn,

  • Scorpio,

  • Taurus and

  • Aries.


If the Sun is in the sign of Gemini,

then in the month of Ashadha

  • it is only from the Pratipada (the first Tithi of the month)

  • to the 10th Tithi in the Shukla Paksha or the Bright Half of the month

  • that the celebrating of marriage is auspicious.

If the Sun is in the sign of Scorpio

  • marriage may be celebrated in Kartika also,

if the Sun is in the sign of Capricorn,

  • in Pausha also and

if the Sun is in the sign of Aries,

  • in Chaitra also.

Q = Will the second spouse make a better contribution to the joint wealth of the marriage than the first spouse?

A =

  • 2nd-fromany house is The capital wealth from that house. 2nd-from-7th= randhra bhava is The capital wealth of the spouse, particularly the first spouse.

  • 8th-from-lagnaand 8th-from-Moonand 8th navamsha = your in-laws-- the family, wealth, and values of the first spouse. The combined profile of these three joint-asset angles defines the joint assets of the first marriage. Remember dhanai = not only capital wealth but aesthetic values and attitude toward wealth in its spiritual, mental, and emotional manifestations. A good attitude toward money and a clean heart attracts money; the reverse also proves true!

  • 8th-from-2nd-from-lagna= dharma bhava and 8th-from-2nd-from-Moonand 8th-from-2nd-navamsha, or 9th-D9) characterize your in-laws -- the family, wealth, and values Attached to the second spouse. The combined profile of these three joint-asset angles defines the joint assets of the second marriage.

Q = Is the chance of "survival for a marriage better if we choose to be married during the "appropriate Bhukti or is that just a period of increasing likelihood of marriage?

A = Marriages pretty much occur on schedule of the Vimshottari dasha. It is actually not possible to experience a marriage unless the planets are lined up correctly. (Humans don't have the power to control major life events, regardless of what we learn in the public schools!)

The benefit of Jyotisha in the modern age is not so much marriage "insurancevia ritual protection of the planets (which certainly used to be Jyotisha's central function) but rather "mental health advantage of knowing when these key life events are most likely to occur.

(The only exception is the negative "warning function that a Rahu bhukti is likely to signal a crazy, exotic marriage... which one might wish if karmically possible to decline!)

First marriage occurs during the bhukti of the proper lord plus a gochara Rahu-Ketu contact point. Bhukti of the subsequent navamsha lords with corresponding Rahu-Ketu transits brings subsequent marriages. A more-or-less auspicious day or month within the destined bhukti may be "chosen by the marriage partners or their parents, but the timing of marriages is rather a karmic affair, with larger forces enforcing the schedule.

The "chance of survival of the first (or any other) marriage depends on how fast the person is changing in this lifetime. The first marriages of people in traditional cultures nearly always "survivetheir full lifetimes because there is not much growth/change allowed in cultures where stability is prized above creativity.

In cultures like ours [western-liberal-doctrine] that value creativity and newness, there is high permission for changing ego structure, i.e. redefining who we are - perhaps several major redefinitions during a single lifetime.

Major changes in a person's worldview will mandate a change of those primary relationships which confirm and support our identity. We can peel through so many karmic layers with the advantages of elite education, tremendous amount of free time for therapy and reflection, and sex-positive culture that drives us through relationship after relationship like a house of mirrors.

It is possible to have several VERY USEFUL, spiritually legitimate marriages.

So in the west our family arrangements, including spouse, change much more frequently. traditional cultures (or more traditional families within the generally pro-change greater western culture) may interpret creativity as instability ; change-oriented cultures will interpret stability as stagnation .

If "unstable(read = creative, innovative, open-minded, or healing-from-trauma) planets control the axis of the first or subsequent marriages, these marriages may be tumultuous and brief or at least not life-long.

On the other hand if the axis for a particular marriage is "stablethere may be a very long commitment praised by outer society which on a personal level may require major compromise, adaptation, and not infrequently repression/oppression.

That was a long answer to your short question! IMO, the prognosis for a given marriage (in the modern west) involvesan evaluation of the spiritual purpose that marriage is designed to serve.

If the person is working through major emotional trauma in this life, the "survival of particular marriage may be intentionally brief, and that brevity of contractual commitment can be both socially and spiritually legitimate.

Having said that, I do agree that the small choices we can make within the greater karmic framework, as to choosing an auspicious day and location, are very beneficial to the spiritual well-being of the partners joined in that holy ceremony.

Not because our small human choices can override the greater plan, but because in seeking to choose the most harmonious conditions we are expressing a higher consciousness and a desire to work hand-in-hand with the divine, which is always a helpful attitude to sustain in every day of a working marriage.

Higher consciousness partners who consider themselves bound to each other through the divine, will generally enjoy their marriages much more than those bound to each other in order to satisfy parents, religion, or government. So choosing an auspicious day and inviting the spirits to be present at the joining ceremony is a powerful evidence of the partners' mutual desire for a long and "fruitful marriage.

What counts as a marriage?
  • Any officiated marriage whether secular or religious, where vows are spoken (by the partners or their priests).

In practice there may be an early, impulsive, brief, childless legal marriage - less than three months duration - in which vows were spoken while drugged or in a confused or traumatized state of mind. These rare, deceptive pseudo-marriages are "null and do not count as "first marriage despite the fact that the "performative statement" was issued.

  • Any consciously committed partnership *if vows of matrimony are taken, even in private* in the presence of the divine, between any persons of any gender.

It has been common practice in many cultures worldwide and especially now in the modern west, for partners to enjoy long-term exclusive sexual partnerships, especially in youth. However, there is still a difference between these often deeply healing, loving relationships and a real marriage -- at least for the purpose of calculating the timing of future marriages. The difference is, were vows taken or a child born?

Most often the live-in partnership, while mimicking marriage in terms of division of labor, is explicitly *not* a marriage spiritually speaking, because the partners explicitly decline to take sacred vows.

  • Possibly a marriage might be **Relationship which produces a conception** - however brief! The date of marriage is the date of conception. This situation is unusual but possible. However, very often a relationship which produces a live child even if vows were never spoken, can count as a marriage. Sometimes the child acts as the vow-holder.

When counting houses to find your current or future spouse, be sure to consider all vows and all conceptions, or your understanding of which house matches which spouse may be inaccurate.

~~ Jataka Desha Marga, Ch. 14, shloka 44-45

"To judge the suitability of a couple,

  • The features of their feet, hands, etc.

  • The influence of Moon's position,

  • The Ascendant,

  • The time of query,

  • The behavior of the crow towards the oblation offered to it

  • And the omens

should be taken into consideration by the learned astrologer and then only the marriage should be performed since the marital union is the most fundamental ritual in the life of mankind."

~~ Bhrigu Sutram Ch. 24 Shloka 9

The woman will quit her husband and marry another;

if the 7th house from the Ascendant or the Moon-occupied signs be found with malefics as well as benefics.

Q = I lived with my faithful sexual partner for 30 years ... but we never got legally married.

  • He proposed numerous times but I wanted to develop my career so I always turned him down. Also, looking back, I see that he was doing a lot of parenting for me. Eventually we split up.

  • I'm ready to get married now and I'm looking for the astrological indicators that would tell me the timing of marriage. Should I consider that long-term, live-in, committed relationship to be my first marriage? How should I look for the timing of my second marriage?

A =

The vidya of Jyotisha sees true marriage as validated by either (1) avowal = vows spoken, by the partners or ad-voc-ates of the partners such as their ministers (helpers) or their priests

(2) by sacrament of birth = a child born into the union.

  • Even long-term, emotionally committed, healing, monogamous relationships (which are so common here in the West) are not considered marriages. Even when partners love each other sincerely, but for their own reasons never advance to the taking of vows, is not considered a marriage.

  • The early relationship you mention -- even though it contained a proposal of marriage -- in fact never advanced to the spoken vows. It is not a Jyotisha marriage, unless a child was born through that union.

Non-vow partnerships in bhava-11 and bhava-5

Long, committed non-vow partnerships may be found via either the house of Romance (bhava-5) or the house of Friendship and Goals (bhava-11), depending on the nature of the commitment.

  • In practice, I find that most of the longer term non-vow sexual partnerships = bhava-11. In matters of labha bhava, much progress is made toward individual goals. Large networks of friendship are built and much information exchanged. Two friends are deeply supporting each other in pursuit of individual goals but retain their separate identities. There is no socially approved and shared goal which would drive the partners toward marriage. These committed friendships, with or without a sexual dimension, can be very happy social arrangements which sustain for many years!

  • bhava-5 relationships = poetic, imaginative, and intensely projecting. The partners are "in love in a childlike, creative, and individualized way - but they are not ready to assume the contractual obligations Of marriage.

  • The couple are projecting their individual "intelligence-- psychic imagery, emotional need, wishful expectation, and transformative desire -- upon each other. Yet, due to youthfulness(chronological or psychological) with its natural love of creativity and options for change, the relationship does not enter the adult contractual phase. Marriage, indeed, is a promise not to change!

  • Unlike bhava-11 non-vow partnerships, bhava-5 love affairs tend to be short duration.

  • They produce marvelous feelings of childlike wonder and desire unto bliss, but lack the "kendra ; foundation of a lifetime promise.

21 degree of Mithuna-Dhanushya =

  • M.C. Jain in The Stars and your Future. p 118

21 Mithuna - 21 Dhanusha

"21 degrees of Sagittarius with its opposition 21 degrees of Gemini is a very curious [degree],

  • which is in some way inimical to marriage.

It may be that natives with this degree have an antipathy to marriage

and are quite happy to remain single,

  • or they renounce marriage as in the case of Roman Catholic priests, or monks and nuns.

It may be that some tragedy intervenes to prevent marriage,

  • or the loved one goes away or dies.

If they do marry, it is seldom a happy union and usually does not last long.

  • They sometimes have several marriages in an effort to find happiness."

  • Is this person a good partner for me? Is this "The One?

    • You will know, if you have met someone special in a period of Venus (or 2nd-from-Venus for 2nd marriage = male; 2nd from Guru also for female) AND An appropriate bhukti AND one of the required Rahu-Ketu transits will soon apply, that you are likely to be getting married in the near future. Not guaranteed, of course, but generally the two factors of correct bhava-lord bhukti plus nodal movement makes marriage quite likely indeed.

    • Usually, if the timing is right, it's the One(or second One or third One) and that person is "good for you spiritually whether being "good for you = "easy- or not.

    • Some marriages, especially those undertaken during period of Rahu, might better be avoided by those with the self-knowledge to avoid them. But this is a Catch-22 statement because it is precisely the Rahu-dominated folks who can't avoid these marriages due to intense, past-life-rooted passions which strongly tend to make history repeat itself. Rahu gives burning desires for pleasure, excitement, tumultuous change, and uprising of subconscious patterns into consciousness. If your consciousness permits a higher awareness of your repeating desire patterns, you can avoid unfavorable marriages entirely by working out some other type of partnership [business, caretaking, service] with the object of your Rahu-driven passions.

    • This conscious reengineering of an attraction is rare, because most people have a quite limited understanding of spirit, and therefore confuse the sexual, social, and spiritual purposes of marriage. However if you are one of the rare ones, take it as a principle of good life to avoid being married in a bhukti of Rahu because Rahu greatly amplifies the power of past-life desire.

    • Whatever happens, marriage is a major part of life karma. You can have your cake and eat it too if you think of each new significant partnership or marriage as a healing. Healings work in surprising ways. Sometimes they are quite painful. Be willing to be surprised, as your partner shows you new information about yourself.

    • If you are attracted to a partner, their information is by default "good for youspiritually in that the soul has assigned this person to bring you valuable spiritual information about yourself. Each partner evokes from us, a manifestation of our dormant intelligence. Each partner plays the "other half.

    • Each partner makes us whole. This is true even if your partner is abusive or deceitful. They still have a piece of your jigsaw puzzle; they are still your spiritual friend, helping you clear the path to the divine. Even if it seems like they are creating obstacles, in reality those are *your* obstacles and you want to own them so that you can solve the dilemma and *you* can move forward.

    • The navamsha will give you a fairly clear picture of the dormant traits in yourself which attract persons with more empowered versions of those traits in relationships. Study your navamsha to learn which jigsaw puzzle pieces you are collecting in this life. Your rashi chart shows your conscious developed personality, but the navamsha shows the level of you which is just rising to consciousness. Study the navamsha to see who you are trying to become. Then, be delighted when the people who are already intensely using those traits show up in your life on schedule!

    ~~ Bhagavata Purana4.16.17

    Think of the other's wife as your mother,

    and your own wife as half of your body.


    More information about marriage from the D-1 and D-9 charts

    D-1 Chandras

    Relationship between the partners' respective Moon lords = overall emotional harmony in the marriage. E.g., Mesha Moon and Meena Moon although 2/12 have friendly lords, which assists compatibility.

    Opposite moon pairs, such as his=Virgo, hers=Pisces, are auspicious for emotional balance and mutual cooperation in marriage.

    However the benefits of opposite-pairing are reduced when Moon lords are unfriendly, such as Leo-Aquarius,

    Moon = same rashi = excellent but beware both partners will get hit with Sade Saati at the same time.

    D-1 Lagna

    Relationship between the partners' Lagna lords = physical harmony

    Opposite lagnas, opposite Venus-Mars can give lasting physical attraction. Same lagna is also very compatible.

    D-1 Sun

    Aspects between Moon and Sundisplay private vs. public role coordination. Psycho-emotionally these aspects reveal the mother/father balance in each person.

    • Female Moon, in same rashi with Male Sun

    - or -

    • Female Moon, in same rashi with Male Jupiter

    = excellent

    Ravi in bhava-7 gives a broadly independent streak to the spouse. Surya here tends to attract partners who, while they may be very loving, also have their own way of doing things.

    On the plus side, Ravi in 7th gives strong negotiation and contract-agreement skills, so that you are also gifted to craft rational agreements between partners (presuming each Mercury position is OK).

    Do not expect much "natural or emotional-affinity-based concord between the spouses when Surya occupies 7th radix or 7th navamsha.

    Surya represents the rational intelligence and leadership. Expect to do a lot of negotiating in marriage because both partners are strong-willed and self-concerned.

    Venus (Shukra)

    kalatrakaraka

    shows love attracted;

    rules incoming pleasures

    To be happy over the long term, a couple must derive pleasure from at least some of the same habits, customs, ways of spending time and money, etc. Coordinated Venus positions really help.

    Venus in 7th makes aperson physically attractive and highly skilled in the erotic arts, but their sensual nature is strong enough to extend their affections to a second marriage when that time comes.

    Usually the first spouse is quite attractive if Venus in 7th is strong.

    Venus in the 7th house means two marriages,because there is "overflowwhen Venus occupies his own house.

    The first marriage may be very satisfying in its day, but eventually a second marriage should be expected (during some future bhukti of lord of the 2nd navamsha).

    Mars (Kuja, Mangala)

    kuja dosha

    shows love projected,

    gives outgoing sexual energy

    Two opposing Mars, or Mars opposing Moon, may create a powerful emotional/sexual attraction initially. But unless other planets step in to smooth communication, Mars makes fights.

    The two partners' Venus and Mars positions reveal sexual communication style. These styles determine physical, emotional, and possibly spiritual sexual compatibility.

    Budha

    profiles communication abilities

    compatible Budha positions are a major blessing, allowing the couple good internal communication

    Buddha characteristics also contribute to education levels; similarly educated people have high levels of cultural agreement that is a benefit in marriage

    Jupiter shows wisdom, open-mindedness, and religious nature

    represents religion, values, and consciousness, blessings earned in past life.

    The couple's charts should show either religious agreement or personal respect (good Jupiter aspects to Sun, Mars, Mercury). Otherwise, arguments about ethics and religion can destroy mutual trust.

    The person whose D-1 Jupiter conjuncts or trines your D-1 Moon will protect you and improve your life.

    Partner's Jupiter conjunct your Moon is generally a VERY GOOD thing.

    Ideally (very ideally)Jupiter in the male chart and Moon in the female chart should be in the same sign or trine signs.

    Shani shows responsibility and karma

    determines one's karmic obstacles and work style

    the partners' Saturn positions should be compatible if they are to enjoy an adequate division of labor

    Tight orbs between her Saturn and his Moon, or his Saturn and her Sun, may reveal emotional oppression.

    Conversely, well-related Saturn positions can give excellent working relationships, mutually respectful joint planning, and great wealth. Saturn and bhava-4 (10th-from-7th) shows the "public face" of the marriage.

    Rahu- Ketu

    Partner's Rahu conjunct your Moon is generally NOT a good thing.

    The person with Rahu in the same sign with your Chandra will cause you sorrow.

    Dara-Pada

    Arudha lagnaof the rashi 7th house shows the inner truth of a marriage, Often a quite different story from how the marriage appears on the outside.

    May all beings venerate life as a state of deep spiritual intimacy.


    Jyotisha Examples

    for Marriage = Public Figures

    Never Married

    One Marriage

    Timing question = when will the first marriage occur?

    Prospective first marriage partnership = Jyotisha compatibility analysis

    Prospective marriage = what to expect in the partner, in-laws, parents and self?



    Two Marriages

    Public Figures


    Three Marriages

    Public Figures


    Career qualities of the future 3rd husband - a Jyotisha exercise

    Four Marriages

    Five or More Marriages

    Q.

    Hi ... I have been surfing through your articles with much interest. I had a question that I thought you could also include on your site.

    It isn't really personal or asking for a personal reading ... But is it logical for one to feel at a certain point that in the near future they are going to meet the 'one' - as in their life partner?

    For the past few months I have had this very thought coming to mind ... that the 'time' has come and I will in the near future meet the person I will spend my life with.

    I haven't met the person but deep within I can very well feel it-ultimately I tell myself that when it is meant to be and when God has it planned for only then will I meet this person.

    A. Ganesha

    Namaste, Good question!

    I wouldn't say it's "logical" to intuit that the "one key partner" is approaching at a certain phase of life, but rather that such a longing for completion through the company of the life-companion is very widespread amongst humans - perhaps we could say universal. Even the celibate religious do yearn for completion through merging with the Divine.

    We are all provided with an inner voice. As you suggest, the inner teacher will tell us when a major milestone approaches, such as marriage, childbirth, or death. Unfortunately most people have trouble hearing that voice. Therefore the Divine has provided us with a backup method of prediction, in the form of Jyotisha.

    Ceremonial marriage generally occurs in the bhukti of (1) seventh navamsha's lord, or (2) Shukra, or (3) Rahu-Ketu, or (4) Shani. There are a few other combinations too. Rahu-Ketu must simultaneously transit one of the key axes of either radix or navamsha, to set the timing of marriage.

    Sometimes the clear inner voice seems to be absent. It might be drowned out by anxiety or overwhelmed by the social expectations of others, particularly parents and other authorities. Anxiety is often matched in Jyotisha by self-doubt + L-6 or Ketu. Jyotisha's traditional timing predictions can support the intuition and calm one's anxiety about the future.

    I completely agree with you that the "feeling of anticipating the arrival of the marriage era, and of the spouse, is tangible. There will be dreams and other psychic portents - look for these during periods of the L-12, esp L-12 from Chandra.

    From these signs alone one could confirm onset of marriage time, if one had sufficient faith. However for those who seek confirmation from the vidya of Jyotisha, the Vimshottari dasha is a reliable supplementary guide to marriage timing, usually during periods of the lord of the navamsha-1 or navamsha-7, but also periods of Shukra and Rahu can bring marriage. If any of these era are imminent for you, then the deeper intuition can be Jyotisha-confirmed.

    May Shri Ganesha help us remove all obstacles to clear intuition.

    All the best, Barbara Pijan Lama, Jyotisha

    Q = Is a marriage for Jyotisha purposes any spoken vow of monogamy between partners?

    A = Namaste =

    Jyotisha considers a union to be a marriage if a vow is spoken. Typically the vow is spoken in front of a witness such as a religious or civil priest (I.e., judge, ship's captain, other officiants of civil religion).

    However, the ancient customs of hand-fasting, and walking around the 'homa' sacred fire seven times while repeating vows seven times, also qualify as vows spoken before a "witness.

    Jyotisha doesn't care about government legal status; it cares about the 3-way spiritual anchoring of the vow between two partners andthe Divine(where the witness/official/homa/priest are representatives of the Divine Law).

    Ironically for us in the West, what doesn't qualify as marriage is long-term live-in partnerships in which vows have never been spoken including "common law' marriages without children.

    However, should such a partnership produce a child, the child becomes a witness to the commitment (in a big way!) and a live-in partnership with children becomes a Jyotisha marriage.

    Long answer to your short question! If a vow of marriage is sincerely spoken by both partners before a witness, yes, from a Jyotisha perspective, you're married. (Exceptions = insincere speech = inebriated, insane, or lying, etc. = disqualified as marriage.)

    BTW not all cultures require monogamy in marriage.

    The vow requires sincere intent to treat the spouse as a living gift of the Divine,

    but (in cultures which support and promote multiple partner marriages)

    Poly-androus or poly-gynous marriage may require that this intent be fulfilled toward numerous simultaneous spouses of different ranks etc. If each spouse in the culturally supported group is fully honored from the heart, the marriage vow is upheld.

    It is the intent of the vow, not the number or gender configuration, which Jyotisha-legitimizes the marriage.

    How to Practice = The Way to a Meaningful Life

    ~~ H.H. Dalai Lama,

    • translated and edited by Jeffrey Hopkins, p.23

    "In order for the wisdom of special insight to remove impediments to proper understanding, and to remove faulty mental states at their very roots,

    we need concentrated meditation, a state of complete single-mindedness in which all internal distractions have been removed.

    Single-minded meditation involves removing subtle internal distractions such as the mind's being either too relaxed or too tight.

    To do so

    • we must first stop external distractions

    • through training in the morality of maintaining mindfulness and conscientiousness with regard to physical and verbal activities

    • being constantly aware of what you are doing with your body and your speech.

    Without overcoming these obvious distractions, it is impossible to overcome subtler internal distractions.

    Since it is through sustaining mindfulness that you achieve a calm abiding of the mind, the practice of morality must precede the practice of concentrated meditation."

    Q =

    Even though this is first marriage for both of us, my husband enjoyed several marriage-like relationships [which did not lead to ceremonial marriage] prior to our wedding.

    Do his previous amorous relationships make me his third/fourth spouse ?

    A. No. But good question!

    Marriage-like relationships (live-in, sweet, romantic, sexually pleasuring relationships) don't generally qualify as marriages unless

    (1) private vows have been spoken between the partners and a third witness, such as a priest, govt official, or in the presence of a sacred fire homa

    (2) a child was conceived into the union (even if that pregnancy did not result in the birth of a live child).

    If the previous relationships were vow-free and conception-free, they don't involve any vow, and they don't count toward the marriage enumeration.

    (These lovely sweetheart romances, even when long-lasting, indeed belong to bhava-5, the house of amusements, poetry, fame and romantic love.)

    According to your reckoning, so long as you can be assured that no conceptions occurred in either party's previous romances, You are your husband's first wife.

    Q = Respected Madam, Namaskar.

    I was viewing Shri Swami Yogananda's chart. His 4th house has Venus in Scorpio aspected by Jupiter, which is the fact of Occult knowledge.

    But 4th house is [public] reputation of Spouse. Swami Yogananda was never married. He had 7th house like everyone.

    Do Saints never need a partner to complete them? How do they find that other half?

    ~~ Jai Ganesha

    A =

    Good question! As you mention, every Jyotisha nativity contains a 7th house, and 7th-from-Chandra. Therefore, everyone has some type of a life partner.

    The "other half for authentically celibate saints is their Ishta-Devata - the god of one's heart.

    A marriage relationship with one's ishta-devata is passionate, intense, and - according to the Lives of the Saints - much more morally demanding than a human marriage.

    • Even persons who do acquire a human life partner, are benefitted to understand that one's human partner is merely an expression of the intelligence of the ishtadevata. This is a great truth, although rather few these days are able to know it.

    Due to the constant and inescapable mirror-imaging of one's own thoughts and behavior which is provided by the partner, marriage is the most difficult and demanding of all spiritual practices.

    One who is lucky enough to realize one's mirror-image in a divine form may experience extraordinary happiness and satisfaction. However, because the spiritual ishtadevata is not perceivable through the default five senses data-streams, it is said to require much more psychic effort to maintain communication with the deity-spouse. Also it is said that if one loses contact with the ishta-devata, the pain of personal invalidation = terribly acute - similar to a divorce but much worse.

    The benefits of choosing to marry the ishtadevata by taking a vow of human celibacy may be spectacularly good. But the risk of devastating psycho-emotional loss of self-definition (insanity), when loss of contact occurs through negligence or misguidance, is also high. That is why religious vows of monkhood are typically limited to those who live in community with others who have taken similar vows. In communal practice, fellow practitioners can support each other's commitments, under steady and capable supervision.

    Unfortunately, many who claim to have taken a vow of celibacy do not have the moral character to maintain the vow, and they live in a state of hypocrisy. All major religions which support a community of celibate religious (Taoist, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, some esoteric sects of Islam) face this danger in the maintenance of their mystical lineages.

    Q = Hi Barbara,

    Firstly I would like to thank you for putting up such an informative website.

    I am learning jyotish and had a question regarding Ketu mahadasha. I am looking at a chart of a female with Dhanu Lagna and Ketu in the house 12. The Ketu mahadasha is starting from Aug 01, 2011. The confusion I had was with the placements of the planets in her radix and navamsha chart and Ketu being karaka for separation can she get married in Ketu mahadasha.

    Can marriage be at all possible in Ketu mahadasha when Ketu is in house 12 without any benefic or malefic aspect?

    I would appreciate if you could provide me your valuable guidance and feedback in studying this horoscope so that I can apply that valuable knowledge gained in my journey to learn this wonderful "science".

    A = Namaste,

    It might be reasonable to avoid the sub-periods of Rahu and Ketu, particularly to avoid Ketu's swabhutki (Ketu-Ketu) for timing of the marriage ceremony. Other bhukti of the Ketu Mahadasha can be OK.

    Judgments should be made from a combination of factors - never from one single factor. Other considerations for suitable timing of marriage include the dignity of Ketu's lord, transits of Rahu-Ketu at marriage time, and other gochara graha related to the bhukti-pati or traveling through kalatra bhava at the time of marriage proceedings.

    Wishing you best success in Jyotisha studies,

    Sincerely, Barbara Pijan Lama, Jyotisha

    ~~ I Corinthians 13 = 4-8 [Jerusalem Bible]

    "Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous;

    love is never boastful or conceited;

    it is never rude or selfish;

    it does not take offense, and is not resentful.

    Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth;

    it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

    Love does not come to an end. "

    This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,

    yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.

    When I got fired, you were there to support me.

    When my business failed, you were there.

    When I got shot, you were by my side.

    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

    When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

    You know what?"

    "What, dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    "I think you're bad luck."

    Polygamy? Polyandry?

    Precedents in Myth

    "Establishing the myth:

    Devdutt Pattanaik, writer-mythologist, says: Though Indian mythology is replete with instances of bigamy and polygamy in the divine pantheon, instances of this practice are more symbolic than prescriptive.

    Vishnu has a bhoga-patni for sensory pleasure (Lakshmi) and a moksha-patni for intellectual pleasure (Saraswati).

    Shiva has Ganga (the restless one) and Gauri (the mature one).

    Murugan has Valli (tribal) and Sena (celestial).

    There were no instances of overlap since each spouse was expected to have a carefully defined space, and had to respect the boundaries and needs of the other.

    Most mythological stories refer to the conflict between fidelity and desire, and it's usually the faithful wife who is considered to be the epitome of virtue. Polygamy as a practice scored over polyandry once property rights became synonymous with paternity rights. This meant women had to stick to one man while men could have several wives."

    Long romance such as your relationship with a friend from 1994 to 2000 are generally seen as expressions of the romantic 5th bhava (poetic love) but not seen as a marriage contract = 7th bhava (legal trust).

    Even if romantic and sexually engaged friends have lived together for years, and deeply appreciate each other, circumstantial harmony is not the same as a marriage vow. A marriage contract or a business contract has specific terms of agreement; it is a promise of trust (troth, truth), and that promise is in some way publically acknowledged - either via a ceremony, a license, or the birth of a child, or even a common-law acclaim. Common-law in western cultures is public acknowledgement of an unavowed union that is considered effective after seven or ten years of partnership with mutual children.

    However even with no vow and no children, It is tricky to determine sometimes what is a marriage according to the seventh bhava because there are some friends-with-benefits arrangements these days which have some sort of business contract associated with the sexual-romantic behaviors for example the couple might own a house together or a shop. In that case they have a joint property estate and the contractual yoke is legal whether a marriage vow was spoken or not. They are not just adoring each other (5) but However the simplest answer is that bhava-5 expresses romance and adoring love (such as with children and lovers) while bhava-7 expresses peer-to-peer contracts. If a child is born into a romance, the two parents are instantly bound into a contract to support the child whether a vow was spoken or not. The child is the vow. Not to say that everyone upholds their responsibilities toward a child esp one conceived outside of marriage - of course they often don't and we see that in Jyotisha via ailments of the seventh house and its lord.

    One good test of whether it was a marriage contract or not = did the marriage need to be dissolved by some specific action, such as writ of divorce or a public announcement?

    For example it is common in traditional areas to have a pre-marital engagement ceremony potentially attended by hundreds of guests (everyone in the village, or everyone in the business network).

    Yet, if the couple "breaks up" as an expression of interpersonal disagreement before the actual marriage ceremony, no further public action is required. The engagement ceremony is a public event, but it's not a marriage and an engagement while 'broken' need not be formally dissolved.

    ~~ Rita Rudner

    "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.

    They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

    ~~ Dan Savage

    "While honesty and openness get all of the good press -- too much good press, in my opinion --

    the crucial role that deceit plays in the health and survival of long-term relationships is all too often overlooked.

    Fact is, without gentle spinning, the omission of damning details, and the occasional bald-faced lie,

    no relationship would last more than a week."

    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? -- Grade Schoolers respond =

    • You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

    • No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kirsten, age 10

    WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

    • Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

    • No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6

    HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

    • Married people usually look happy to talk to other people. -- Eddie, age 6

    • You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

    WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

    • Both don't want no more kids. -- Lori, age 8

    WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

    • Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8

    • On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

    WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

    • I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

    WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

    • When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

    • The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7

    • The rule goes like this = if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

    • It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

    • Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing. -- Kirsten, age 10

    HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

    • There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, now wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

    • You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now. -- Roberta, age 7

    HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

    • Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

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    Copyright © 1994-2024 by Barbara Pijan Lama * Contact * How to Request a Jyotisha Reading * barbarapijan.com

    Barbara Pijan Lama Jyotisha Vedic Astrology Surya Sun Chandra Moon Mangala Mars Budha Mercury Guru Jupiter Shukra Venus Shani Saturn Rahu Ketu Graha Planets Dasha Timeline Nakshatra Navamsha Marriage Children Wealth Career Spiritual Wisdom Cycles of Death and Rebirth

    "And now my friends,

    all that is true,

    all that is noble,

    all that is just and pure,

    all that is loveable and gracious,

    whatever is excellent and admirable -

    fill all your thoughts with these things."

    ~~ Philippians 4 = 8